richardarmigety: What qualifies someone to offer sound advice ...

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

Today, 02:42 PM

? #1 (permalink)

Forum Supporter

Join Date: Nov 2009

Location: USA

Posts: 5,084

Seriously? Do you feel some are more qualified, more understanding , more able to offer help to others if they have had more relationships, more sexual experiences ??

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A little bit ago, I got a pm from a member saying this to me......."Since you married the only man you have ever slept with, you don't know very much about modern relationships" , pointing out again..that I have very little "experience".

She & a couple others felt I was being judgmental on a recent thread with my views.. "talking out of my ass" was the expression. I am not upset to receive this... if this is how I am viewed, I would want to know....

I agreed with her... I could see how 1 of my posts would be taken badly... I was wrong, I deleted it & apologized. None of us get it right all the time.

Her point is .... I am too Old Fashioned minded in this day & age , stressing a couple times my not understanding modern relationships.

So what does others look for - in advice giving ?

Today, 02:46 PM

? #2 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Nov 2011

Location: Somewhere in the world

Posts: 608

Quote:

Seriously? Do you feel some are more qualified, more understanding , more able to offer help to others if they have had more relationships, more sexual experiences ??

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I agreed with her... I could see how 1 of my posts would be taken badly... I was wrong, I deleted it & apologized. None of us get it right all the time.

Her point is .... I am too Old Fashioned minded in this day & age , stressing a couple times my not understanding modern relationships.

So what does others look for - in advice giving ?

I can only say for myself, but I enjoy reading what you have to say, so I can see it from a different viewpoint. I lost my viginity at 13 yr old and have been with several men since then. You have your opinions and your advice and I think it's valuable. That's just IMHO

Today, 03:05 PM

? #9 (permalink)

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Join Date: Nov 2009

Location: USA

Posts: 5,084

I don't want this to be about me... just saying, obviously it's the reason I am asking.... but yeah... I am curious to hear HOW others may feel about reading views they don't share, if they skip them entirely..or still let them in... not open the trash can.

I am one who likes to hear all viewpoints, I don't care where you are coming from, what religion you are, how old you are, if you've had a horrible relationship or a great one, I FEEL it can still be very valuable...

So I say....if that is how you feel....speak it

If it works for you... speak it

If you learned something along the way...share it

Even if just one line of a post from the most unsuspecting poster helps, then it is worth it, could be insightful to another.

My son is sitting here with his GF, the Teacher asked a simple classroom question...what makes a good person.. his answer: Compassion. Yeah, I was thinking....that would make a good POSTER too.

I tend to think those who have walked in similar shoes ARE accually more helpful and understanding.. but obviously I haven't walked in too damn many shoes here. So yeah.. It's a curious question.

Today, 03:18 PM

? #12 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Jun 2012

Location: New England

Posts: 1,203

I like to see all viewpoints, and I'm open to debate (when it pertains to a thread that I start). I personally choose not to engage in pizzing contests with other members, I don't see the point of that. I'll express my opinions if/when I feel that they are appropriate and could benefit the OP.

I take advice from those that offer it. Each person here comes from a different background, bringing their own issues, beliefs, and past experiences with them. There are some things that I can relate to, and there are other things that I can't because I've never experienced them myself.

It's up to the OP of each thread to decide what advice, if any, to follow. Knowing the background of the person you are receiving advice from is helpful, it allows you to make that decision.

Today, 03:33 PM

? #15 (permalink)

Member

Join Date: Aug 2009

Location: United States

Posts: 4,373

SA,
The common themes in your posts are:
- Genuine and deep love
- Compassion
- Commitment
- Honesty
- Empathy
- Integrity

Lets see what's lacking:
- Narcissism
- Sense of entitlement
- Blcthiness
- Hostility towards men
- Hostility towards anyone

Doesn't mean I agree with everything you post. Does mean that the vast majority of people here benefit from reading you.

I wish more people were old fashioned.

Quote:

Seriously? Do you feel some are more qualified, more understanding , more able to offer help to others if they have had more relationships, more sexual experiences ??

*****************************************

I agreed with her... I could see how 1 of my posts would be taken badly... I was wrong, I deleted it & apologized. None of us get it right all the time.

Her point is .... I am too Old Fashioned minded in this day & age , stressing a couple times my not understanding modern relationships.

So what does others look for - in advice giving ?